A few clients have joined my mentorship after a few disappointing programs, and they’ve shared that they didn’t know what true support was meant to look like until we’ve worked together. This has created an interesting conversation in my world, since I’ve realized that I don’t often share about my 1:1 mentorship and how the work I facilitate looks like to actually be a catalyst for the success stories I often share on here. And I have also realized that as a client, you may not know how realistic transformation looks like (i.e. NOT here’s how to be happy forever), and what metrics to use when choosing a program to support you.
This is meant not only to share about my mentorship, but to raise awareness over the markers that I now use when choosing my own mentors.
First, let’s dive into what creates so much mis-attuned support + disappointing investments
The biggest cause for re-traumatisation and disappointing investments in the healing industry is the fact that the majority of people receive mis-attuned support.
What is mis-attuned support?
Mis-attuned support happens when the client receives the wrong support for their needs. I.e. the client needs integrative healing, yet receives mindset support. This becomes a big problem when the mentor is wired and trained to think that a lack of results always means that the clients is not doing the work, and when they always place the blame on the client. Don’t get me wrong – we are all at different points of readiness and there are situations when people are not actually ready to heal which makes even the most successful process ineffective, but as mentors we need to be well aware that that’s not always the case, and need to get better at assessing our clients’ needs and what would work in meeting them.
This is not only a coaching industry problem – It’s a problem that I found with the majority of the healing experiences I was finding in the first years of my healing which left me perpetually feeling lonely, stuck, and powerless. But this is where we collectively get stuck – acknowledging a systemic problem shouldn’t mean that we use it as a reason why we stay stuck, but it should lead us to understand that it may be time to pave a new way. And if your tendency is to blame the system for your lack of healing, your blind spot may be a victimhood archetype that you will have to look at. I know this because I was there – and what changed my life was recognizing this pattern and finally choosing the option that was going to change my life, which was to understand that a problem is an opportunity towards building a new path. This is how I moved from being a client failed by the system and so traumatized that I often wonder how did I make it, to a healer that created the solutions and the body of work that paved the way I needed back then.
Okay, now that we understand that acknowledging a systemic issue is an actual opportunity to pave a new paradigm, I’ll share with you what that new paradigm looks like for me, and the markers that show you that you’ve found yourself in a program that operates in an ineffective, old paradigm way.
Red flags in mentorship
>> You are in survival mode and the mentorship offers you mindset advice: The #1 priority of a mentor when they have a client in survival mode is to help them resolve said survival mode, not to give mindset advice. Mindset advice simply enhances the survival mode, further overstimulating your already overstimulated system. It is absolutely okay for your mentor to realize that they do not know how to do this, and their ethical approach to this should be to refer you to someone skilled in helping people with this. Example: you are in chronic survival mode with money and in an unshakeable sense of urgency that doesn’t resolve fully no matter what practice you do. You join a mentorship program and the mentor tells you to trust the Universe or to surrender. This is the epitome of mis-attuned support, as you are being told to override your survival mode with mindset shifts, which is impossible to do. When you resolve the survival mode, I promise, “trusting the universe” becomes inevitable.
>> Your mentor is making you misaligned: Here’s the thing – the quickest path to success is hidden in your alignment. A good mentor will always help you find the healing path, the marketing strategy, and the business plan that matches your alignment. A mentor that is more interested in convincing you that their way works over helping you find YOUR way is most likely making you misaligned, thus slowing down your success. If you are someone who is operating from the toxic masculine where you are used to following the conventional path, to forcing things, to overthinking, and to controlling your way into manifestation, you are most likely operating from misalignment, and your attuned support will come from a mentor that is aware of how alignment works and knows how to help you embody it. This is one of the most common archetype I see in my practice.
How my mentorship looks like Well, obviously, it’s kind of obvious what to expect in my world so far based on what I already shared, but I want to paint a picture of what true transformation looks like too. So I will use a common client archetype to describe the mentorship experience.
Client archetype: The client is in a place of toxic masculine. The way in which they’ve learned to achieve results is by over-doing, forcing, overthinking, and over-trying their way into success. The trauma blueprint they experience makes them misaligned, so inevitably, nothing they do brings results. They come to see me to finally resolve this cycle of extreme confusion over what they are doing wrong.
The mentorship: The mentorship for someone in survival mode always always starts by aiming to resolve or lessen the survival energy that the client is trapped in (I have the training to do so) which leads them to shift out of their “toxic masculine archetype”. You see, this archetype is a set of behaviours in which we’ve learned to survive, but unfortunately, it is often incompatible with a successful manifestation process. From here, the client experientially finds their way into alignment, a connection with their authentic self, and a sense of clarity over the actions they need to take to create success.
The mentorship allows us co-create the process to continously meet their needs over the time and look at whatever comes on the way to be integrated, alchemized, loved, acknowledged, and created. If this sounds like an experience your soul is leading you towards, you can apply to my mentorship here LINK
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